As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, President Unconvincing Combover came to my fair town yesterday to hold a rally for Senator Grandpa Munster, a man he just a couple of years ago called “nasty,” unlikable, a “pussy,” and, of course, most famously, “Lyin’ Ted,” as The Daily Show helpfully reminded us:
These clips don’t even get into the times Trump attacked Heidi Cruz’s looks and hinting at something much darker about her past, or how he accused Senator Blob Fish’s father of assassinating JFK, an accusation that Trump does not regret making, by the way:
In fact, the full quote was: “I don’t regret anything, honestly. It all worked out, very nicely.”
But now Trump is calling Lyin’ Ted “Beautiful Ted,” which honestly is some of the shadiest shade I’ve ever heard.
Anyway, this is just a reminder, Texans, that Beautiful Ted co-sponsored a bill to kill the ACA, including coverage for pre-existing conditions; he’s opposed to raising the minimum wage at all, much less to a living wage; is vehemently opposed to a woman’s right to choose and a co-chair of his “Pro-Lifers for Cruz” coalition once advocated for murdering doctors who perform abortions; voted against hurricane relief aid for victims of Hurricane Sandy; has promised to filibuster any legislation that might curb gun violence; was the person most responsible for the government shutdown in 2013; wants to deport DREAMers; believes homosexuality is a choice and is opposed to same-sex marriage; voted against the Violence Against Women Act; opposes legalizing pot; opposes net neutrality; and doesn’t believe we should try to do anything about climate change.
But good news, Texas, you can go vote RIGHT NOW. DO IT. GO VOTE.
Shep Smith dropping some truth on Fox News about the migrant caravan that President Old Racist (and Fox News itself) is using to gin up fear and hysteria ahead of the midterms. “President Trump is calling the caravan a national emergency,” Smith said. “And he’s claiming criminals and unknown alleged Middle Easterners are mixed in with the crowd. An important note: Fox News knows of no evidence to suggest the president is accurate on that matter. And the president has offered no evidence to support what he has said.”
Meanwhile, in other corners of Fox News, Senator Kamala Harris’ face was plastered on a story about a murder that had absolutely nothing to do with her. They literally used her picture instead of the murderers. These assholes.
I mean, I get it: The Good Place‘s natural audience is not people who are really into sportsball, but even I knew Blake Bortles was real, you guys, and I know NOTHING about sportsball.
Welp, we know when Andrew Lincoln is leaving The Walking Dead. Not this week, but next:
In which Vanity Fair thinks waaaaaay too hard about a Game of Thrones reunion special.
This is an interesting featurette on the sixth episode of The Haunting of Hill House and how they made that one long take:
I have two pieces of news here: 1. Wheel of Fortune is going to give away a house in one of Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville retirement communities to one viewer — not player, viewer aged 55 or older. 2. There are Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville retirement communities. Actually, I have three pieces of news here: 3. There are enough people out there who love Jimmy Buffett’s music so much that they literally want to live inside of it and, in fact, don’t regard it as a personal hell.
Netflix is racially profiling you. They claim they’re not, but they are.
The most adorable caption mix-up ever.
If you’re looking for a good horror movie as we get closer to Halloween, Netflix has a few.
Ryan Murphy is donating $10 million to the children’s hospital that saved his four-year-old son:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BpPlZEFB0Sh/?taken-by=mrrpmurphy
Oh no, get well soon, Bob Barker!
Time’s Up
Sarah Silverman admitted that Louis C.K. masturbated in front of her with her consent, but says that it was early in both of their careers and there was no weird power dynamic, and therefore it wasn’t abusive. She added, “Once he became powerful, even within just his [comedy] community, he felt like he was the same person, but the dynamic was different and it was not OK.”
Pajiba‘s Mike Redmond has some thoughts on why this story is not helpful.
Louis C.K.’s accuser Rebecca Corry took exception to Silverman’s comments:
Prompting an apology from Silverman:
Jill Soloway (who is apparently dating Hannah Gadsby now) recently published a memoir but declined to attack Jeffrey Tambor in it. Here she sort of explains that decision. Sort of.
Kevin Spacey has been removed from a restaurant mural and replaced with Clive Davis.
Bill Cosby has just hired his 12th law firm and 20th lawyer. That’s a lot of lawyers.
Renewals
- A Million Little Things, The Rookie, The Kids Are Alright, and Splitting Up Together have all been given more episodes at ABC.
Cancellations
- The Hunt for the Trump Tapes With Tom Arnold has been canceled at Viceland. (It was actually a more interesting show than I expected it to be.)
In Development
- Dierks Bentley is producing a Nashville bar comedy at Fox.
- Wolfe, a crime drama, is in development at ABC.
- Shoulda Coulda Woulda, a comedy, is being developed at CBS.
- NBC has bought a policewoman drama from a Nurse Jackie creator.
- Jake the Fake Keeps It Real is being developed into a series by Disney.
- Killer Clowns from Outer Space and Critters might be coming to Syfy.
Casting News
- Brandon Larracuente, Emily Tosta, Niko Guardado, and Elle Paris Legaspi are your new Party of Five.
- Zosia Mamet is joining the cast of Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City on Netflix.
- Michael J. Ferguson and Cynthia Addai-Robinson are joining Power on Starz.
- Hannah Rae is joining Constance on TNT.
- Henry Lloyd-Hughes and Shannon Tarbet are joining Killing Eve.
Mark Your Calendars
- Homecoming will debut on Amazon on November 2.
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine will return/debut on NBC in January.
- Surviving R. Kelly will debut on Lifetime on January 3.
- Tidelands will debut on Netflix on December 14.
- The Holiday Calendar will debut on Netflix on November 2.
- Trevor Noah’s standup special, Son of Patricia, will debut on November 20.
- The Price of Everything will debut on HBO on November 12.
- Inside North Korea’s Dynasty will debut on National Geographic on November 11.
- Rickey Smiley for Real returns on TV One on October 30.
- Butterbean’s Cafe will debut on Nickelodeon on November 12.
WATCH THIS
Native America: A documentary series exploring the first peoples of the Americas. Series premiere. 8 p.m., PBS
Guest Book: The TBS comedy moves to a new location, The Barefeet Retreat, a beach motel, in the second season premiere. 9 p.m., TBS
The Great American Read: We finally learn what America’s most-loved novel is. Season finale. 7 p.m., PBS
Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh: I am not a fan of Sandler’s comedy, but someone must be. Netflix.
World Series: Game 1: I include this under protest that the Astros won’t be in it. 6:30 p.m., Fox
Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Trevor Noah, Lucas Hedges, Gigi Hadid, Brockhampton Late Night with Seth Meyers: Wanda Sykes, David Cross, Nafissa Thompson-Spires The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Tommy Vietor, Charlamagne Tha God The Late Late Show with James Corden: Jamie Dornan, Florence Welch, Florence + The Machine Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kobe Bryant, Oliver Hudson, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones Watch What Happens Live: Juliette Lewis, Ricki Lake
| TUES. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | The Conners (new) |
The Kids Are Alright (new) |
black-ish (new) |
Splitting Up Together (new) |
The Rookie (repeat) |
| CBS | NCIS (new) |
FBI (new) |
NCIS: New Orleans (new) |
| CW | The Flash (new) |
Black Lightning (new) |
Local |
| FOX | The World Series: Game 1 (live) |
| NBC | The Voice (new) |
This is Us (new) |
New Amsterdam (new) |