MONDAY
Adventure Time with Finn and Jake: One last trip through the land of Ooo. Series finale. (Ahead of the finale, an Adventure Time marathon begins at 5:30 a.m.) 5 p.m., Cartoon Network
RBG: The documentary on the one and only Ruth Bader Ginsburg. PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DIE, RBG. 7 p.m., CNN
King of the Hill Grillstraviganza: Yep. 8 a.m., Comedy Central
ID marathon: ID network gives viewers a sneak peek of their upcoming fall slate all day, leading up to the premiere of the new series, Twisted Sisters at 9 p.m. 2 p.m., ID
Ghost Adventures marathon: SCREAM AT IMAGINARY GHOSTS ALL DAY. 7 a.m., Travel Channel
(Here are some other TV marathons happening today.)
Bachelor in Paradise: Indianapolis Colt and Sooey, Jr. are going to break up. On the upside: we don’t have to hear about Indianapolis Colt and Sooey, Jr. anymore. 3 HOURS. 3 FREAKING HOURS. 7 p.m., ABC
TUESDAY
The Purge: “They really shouldn’t make shows like this, I think it’s just wrong.” –my mother on The Purge based on the trailers she’s seen while watching reruns of Law & Order SVU. Series premiere. 9 p.m., USA
Mayans M.C.: The Sons of Anarchy spinoff that has been discussed for literally years now is finally here. Series premiere. 9 p.m., FX
Making It: The final three crafters create a dream wedding background in the series finale. MAKE IT! 9 p.m., NBC
WEDNESDAY
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The gang is back, minus Dennis, plus a Dennis sex doll. Season premiere. 9 p.m., FXX
The Real Housewives of New York City: The ladies wrap this nonsense up in the third part of the reunion. 7 p.m., Bravo
Watch What Happens Live: HOLY SHIT, THE COUNTESS. 10 p.m., Bravo
THURSDAY
Save Me: Lennie James — best known as Morgan on The Walking Dead series — wrote, created and stars in this three-part series about a man who is looking for his missing daughter in South London. It airs over the next three days. 2a.m., Starz
NFL: Falcons at Eagles: Oh yay. Football season is officially here. 7 p.m., NBC
FRIDAY
Atypical: Second season of the family dramedy. Netflix
Marvel’s Iron Fist: Second season of the least liked Marvel series on Netflix. Netflix
Stand Up to Cancer: Fuck off, Cancer. 7 p.m., ABC, NBC, FOX among others
SATURDAY
The Greatest Showman: Hugh Jackman sings about circuses. 7 p.m., HBO
Fargo: My son recognized Peter Stormare in American Gods from his role in LA to Vegas and that’s when I realized I had failed him as a mother in that I hadn’t shown him this movie. That’s going to change. 8:45 p.m., HBO2
Final Destination: Speaking of being a mother, nothing quite captures being a parent of a small child than this movie in that when you become a mother, you are gifted with the ability to see in your mind’s eye every link in a chain of events that could lead to a potential disaster. 8:25 p.m., Cinemax
SUNDAY
Shameless: The last season with Fiona. *sniffles* Season premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime
Kidding: Jim Carrey stars in this dramedy as the star of a kid’s show, Mr. Pickles. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Showtime
The Deuce: The second season begins in 1977 and the beginnings of punk rock. Season premiere. 8 p.m., HBO
You: Penn Badgley stars as a bookstore owner who becomes obsessed with and begins stalking a writer in this new series to fill the thriller-shaped hole in your life. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Lifetime
The Miss America Competition: This is the first go-round since Gretchen Carlson was put in charge. Goodbye, swimsuit competition, hello, more in-depth interviews. 8 p.m., ABC
Rel: A sneak peek at Lil’ Rel’s new sitcom. Series premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
The Bad Seed: Rob Lowe’s remake of the classic 1956 movie about a very bad little girl. 7 p.m., Lifetime
The Last Ship: The final season begins three years after the global famine. Season premiere. 8 p.m., TNT
Is my computer just completely jacked up or is there no text here after the Gifs up top?
Same here. Momma T must have been hitting the box wine early. Who can blame her with 3 hours of Bachelor in Paradise looming?
No text. Frustrating.
Sorry! Sometimes WordPress is an asshole and erases all the text before you publish. I usually catch it, but I scheduled this post and had no idea it even happened. Thanks for the comments, guys, otherwise I would have had no idea this happened.
We prefer the box wine excuse.
On a continuing note, do you have a particular vintage you prefer? As your loyal fans, it is our duty to keep you supplied.