GAME OF THRONES! GAME OF THRONES! GAME OF THRONES!
I built a “Hey, I don’t really remember what happened last season, could you remind me?” gallery over on Chron.com because who has 10 hours to do a rewatch at this point, right?
We have the episode titles and descriptions of the first three episodes, so let’s overthink what it all means:
S7E1: “Dragonstone”: “Jon (Kit Harington) organizes the defense of the North. Cersei (Lena Headey) tries to even the odds. Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) comes home.”
BEST GUESSES: Jon rallies the North some more; Cersei looks for alliances after blowing up her enemies — perhaps meets Euron; Dany arrives in Westeros, specifically at Dragonstone, the Targaryens’ ancient home.
S7E2: “Stormborn”: “Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) receives an unexpected visitor. Jon (Kit Harington) faces a revolt. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) plans the conquest of Westeros.”
BEST GUESSES: Littlefinger is making trouble for Jon in Winterfell; Dany is visited by ??? The Queen of Thorns? Brienne? The Hound? Melisandre? Sam? Jon Snow himself? I have no clue; Tyrion is Tyrion.
S7E3: “The Queen’s Justice”: “Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) holds court. Cersei (Lena Headey) returns a gift. Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) learns from his mistakes.”
BEST GUESSES: If I had to, I’d bet this is the episode when Jon and Dany finally meet; as for Cersei returning a “gift,” this is very sinister-sounding, and I wonder if it won’t have something to do with getting revenge on the Sand Snakes; I suspect Jamie starts having misgivings about his crazy-ass sister.
Here’s a new Greek Game of Thrones trailer that has some previously unseen shots, although it doesn’t reveal anything particularly new:
Oh shit, the costume designer just confirmed two very big meetings this season. PROCEED CAREFULLY BECAUSE HERE BE SPOILERS.
Here’s a little refresher on who the heck Azor Ahai is and why he (she?) is important to the end game.
The New York Times looks back on the more notable deaths on Game of Thrones, some tragic, others Joffrey.
Who wouldn’t want the Hound to tell them to “fuck off?” Sign me up!
IS YARA GOING TO DIE? (Probably.) Speaking of Yara, she was very nearly fired for revealing she had been cast as Yara.
Jacob Anderson (Grey Worm) is tired of your eunuch questions.
We are still arguing about the Jamie/Cersei maybe-rape scene.
Someone has made an animated Game of Thrones prequel about the Doom of Valyria and if that means something to you: Congratulations! you are a true Game of Thrones nerd. Welcome, friend.
Castlevania on Netflix included a very small Game of Thrones easter egg, if you’re interested.
Oh, hey, is it time to start talking about Westworld again? I can get behind that.
You can relax now; DeMario will appear on the Bachelor in Paradise reunion show.
Hey, Fabio is going to play the Pope in Sharknado 5, you guys.
Tomorrow is Prime Day over at Amazon, which means that if you haven’t already signed up for Prime, you can do a trial run and if you subscribe, the first time you stream a Prime video you’ll receive a $10 credit. The point it, if you don’t have Prime, get Prime and then watch all of Fleabag, you’re welcome.
Good news: Donal Logue’s daughter is safely back home.
Congratulations, Peta Murgatroyd and Maksim Chmerkovskiy!
ALERT: CARL REINER IS NOT DEAD.
In Political TV News (Blech)
Trump is still trying to get former Apprentice contestant Summer Zervos’ lawsuit against him thrown out. Good luck, asshat.
This was buried under the news that he colluded with Russia, but Fredo Trump also tweeted a hideous gif attacking CNN. Like disgusting father, like disgusting son.
This Australian reporter knows what’s what:
Renewals
- Castlevania has been renewed by Netflix for season two. And yet, GLOW hasn’t been yet. COME ON, GUYS.
In Development
- The GAP: Great American Pilgrimage, a new road trip show hosted by Stephen Baldwin, will air on the American RT network — that’d be the Russia Times network — because we are living in a very weird time.
Casting News
- John Cho is joining season two of The Exorcist which is great news.
- Eileen Davidson is leaving The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Good riddance to boring characters.
- Richard Dreyfus will be joining Hit the Road, Jason Alexander’s Audience Network comedy.
- Dave Foley (NewsRadio) and Charlie Saxton (Hung) are joining Freeform’s The Misfits.
- Smallville’s Lois Lane is Supergirl’s new mom.
- James Franco will be in an episode of the Coen Brother’s The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.
- Katrina Law is joining this The Oath series on Crackle.
R.I.P.
- Nelsan Ellis, Lafayette on True Blood. I’m heartbroken over this one. Such a brilliant talent taken entirely too soon. His castmates express their shock and sorrow here.
- Ji-Tu Cumbuka, Roots actor
- Randy Schell, The Walking Dead voiceover actor
WATCH THIS
The Bachelorette: Look out, Switzerland. 7 p.m., ABC
Will: Here’s a show that features a poetry-slamming Will Shakespeare. This feels like that teacher you had who tried waaaay too hard to be cool. Series premiere. 8 p.m., TNT
The Real Housewives of Orange County: Sigh. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Bravo
Late Night: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Woody Harrelson, Cobie Smulders, Emmylou Harris and her Red Dirt Boys Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kit Harington, Regina Hall, Trey Songz Conan: Snoop Dogg, Flula Borg, Mastodon The Daily Show: Kumail Nanjiani Watch What Happens Live: Tamra Judge, Shep Rose
| MON. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | The Bachelorette (new) |
The Gong Show (repeat) |
| CBS | Kevin Can Wait (repeat) |
Man With a Plan (repeat) |
Mom (repeat) |
Life in Pieces (repeat) |
Scorpion (repeat) |
| CW | Supergirl (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (new) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | So You Think You Can Dance (new) |
Superhuman (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | American Ninja Warrior (new) |
Spartan (new) |