‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: La verdad comes out

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Hostile Hacienda”
February 7, 2017

Because this show has become one big advertorial for Mauricio’s many properties, we learn that we will be going to Mexico later in the episode to celebrate the opening of Mauricio’s newest office in Punta Mita while showing off one of his prime rentals, Casa Cuixa, which you can yourself rent for only $8,000 a night.

But first, we have some other business to attend to:

1. We learn that Dorit’s son has a disorder that prevents him from being able to express himself in words, because what’s a Real Housewives season without a kid with some sort of condition?
2. Eileen goes to see her therapist to talk about how her teenage son likes to crawl into laundry baskets. 
3. Lisa Rinna visits Kyle at Kyle Alene Too to “shop” but mostly to try to tell Kyle that she does not have any idea what is up with that Eden bitch being so pushy about Kim, it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with Lisa Rinna, why would you even think that?
4. Lisa Rinna then takes her daughter Delilah to New York City so that Delilah can walk in Tommy Hilfiger’s fashion show with Gigi Hadid, an actual model. Lisa also meets Camille Grammer where they talk about their daughters’ “modelling careers” and Camille all but begs to return to the series. This entire model story is far, far less interesting than Lisa Rinna or the show seem to think it is.

Much more interesting is how Eden, seemingly out of nowhere, pays a VanderVisit to PINK HOUSE with something “important” to tell Lisa. Eden then explains that she spent her entire life around alcohol, and suddenly finds herself in this “sticky” situation with the Richards sisters — to which Lisa VanderWonders why Eden needs to be in the middle of the situation at all? Doesn’t she realize that she is going to piss Kyle off by questioning her sister’s sobriety? Eden SWEARS she is not questioning Kim’s sobriety (except for when she absolutely is), so Lisa VanderQuestions where the allegations that Kim is not sober are coming from. And Eden just spills it all: Wile she and Lisa Rinna were on a shopping trip, Rinna told her that Kim is not sober, Kyle is her sister’s enabler and that Kim is “on the path to destruction…near death.”

This is the greatest moment of Lisa’s VanderLife.

Lisa is suddenly very VanderSympathetic to Eden who has been innocently thrown into this entire mess by Rinna and is being villainized, and she VanderAsks Eden’s permission to tell Kyle all of this. Eden is TOTALLY COOL with that, because why wouldn’t she be? (Of course, why Eden couldn’t just tell Kyle and Kim herself that Rinna was saying these things …)

So Kyle, Erika, Dorit, P.K., Lisa Vanderpump and Grandpa Ken go to Mexico ahead of Eileen and Lisa Rinna, where they stay in Mauricio’s rental home which I am pretty sure he says belongs to his uncle. I only mention this because in this and the next episode, Kyle goes on her whole, “Mauricio works SO HARD and built all of this ENTIRELY BY HIMSELF” nonsense again and, just, come on. While I admire how hard both Mauricio and Kyle work, let’s not pretend that her sister isn’t Kathy Fucking Hilton and that Mauricio doesn’t clearly comes from some significant Mexico dinero and that the pair of them, if not born on the 10 yard line, were born somewhere around the 20.

In other news, Erika wants a burrito.

After some jet skiing and some milling about the house, but before dinner, Lisa takes Kyle VanderAside to explain that Kyle might be reading this entire Eden situation all wrong, that Lisa Rinna had filled Eden’s head with stories about Kim being near death and that Kyle is her enabler and that the real villain here has been Lisa Rinna THE ENTIRE TIME. Kyle takes this news about as well as anyone could expect.

This is the greatest moment in Lisa’s VanderLife.

Then, at dinner, Kyle and Lisa inform the group about the crap Rinna has been saying about Kim and that Dorit creature tells them about having dinner with Eden where she had nothing nice to say about Kim, and may have been saying things about Kyle being an enabler. Also, too, this one time when Dorit was at Eden’s house, Eden and Rinna were bonding over enjoying Xanax smoothies, so.

The entire table:

The next morning, Rinna arrives but Kyle is NOT HAVING IT, refusing to even get out of the pool to greet her because, bitch please. TO BE CONTINUED, DARLINGS.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo on Tuesdays at 8/9 p.m. and desperately needs a burrito.