“Better never means better for everyone.”
RuPaul has announced his cast for the ninth season of Drag Race.
Your prayers have been answered: Sharknado 5 is a go.
Emilia Clarke is trying to spoil Game of Thrones for you:
And if that isn’t spoilery enough, there’s this.
Here’s a new teaser for The Walking Dead, and can we just talk about that one walker in the spike helmet because I have a lot of questions?
And Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is going to join Fear the Walking Dead! Where has she been this whole time?
Please Like Me is going to come to an end after the fourth season.
OH MY GOD THERE WAS AN ALL MY CHILDREN REUNION AND NO ONE TOLD ME.
Al Roker addressed Tamron Hall’s exit from The Today Show. Meanwhile, Tamron spent her time purging her closet.
Conan will bring all his whiteness back to the Apollo Theater in November.
This is an inside baseball story about the behind-the-scenes changeover at Powerless that I probably find more interesting than you because I know one of the people involved.
Hey, a reality show cast member is mad that he wasn’t depicted in a positive light. In other breaking news, water is wet and Earth revolves around the sun.
Here is the pretty cast of Hulu’s upcoming Marvel’s Runaways series.
Lena Dunham wants a Girls movie. And if HBO could inflict Sex & The City 2 on us, what won’t they do?
Beyoncé, in all her pregnant glory, will be performing at the Grammys. (But is she going to perform at the Super Bowl? MAYBE!)
Someone is selling a diorama of the Seinfeld set if that’s something that you need in your life.
R.I.P. Kevin Geer, actor mostly known for his stage roles but also had appeared on Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order, Alpha House and Elementary
Pilot News
Carol Burnett’s comedy, Household Name, which is produced by Amy Poehler just got a pilot order from ABC, you guys.
ABC also gave The Goldberg‘s spinoff a pilot order
Fox has ordered a pilot for Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone’s sibling comedy Amy’s Brother.
CBS gave a pilot order to Hannah Royce’s Questionable Choices, a comedy from the creator of Mad Love.
The CW ordered a pilot for Valor, an Army drama.
Oh, Has Trump Made Some TV News Today? I Was Trying to Not Pay Attention
And Trump, in another attack on the First Amendment, is now trying to delegitimize the protests by claiming the protestors are paid. I’m still waiting for my check, if that’s the case.
Kellyanne Conway is really clinging to those Alternative Facts.
Meanwhile, the South Park guys have given up trying to make fun of Trump because “satire has become reality.” True fact: McSweeney’s ran a humorous piece about Donald Trump’s black history month address, and they literally just ran his own words.
As for Lady Gaga, she won’t say if her halftime performance will be political because the times we live in now demand that we ask pop stars if their Super Bowl Halftime shows will be explicitly about the fucking President. I NEED TO LIE DOWN.
Disney’s Bob Iger declined an invitation to the White House.
“Be relentless and remain aggressive.” Dan Rather is a hero.
And we’ll close out this week with Seth Meyers’ “Closer Look” at what we all just endured:
And be sure to brace yourselves: 5 p.m. Friday is when they dump problematic stories. Last week it was the Muslim ban, God knows what they have in store for us today. STAY STRONG.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Hawaii Five-0: Nazi war criminal is living in an old leper colony. And here I thought Steve Bannon was in the White House. 8 p.m., Friday, CBS
Santa Clarita Diet: Just when you thought you were done with the whole zombie thing, they go and cast Timothy Olyphant. Netflix
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: There’s no way Rebecca and Josh actually get married, is there? They can’t possibly, right? Season finale. 8 p.m., The CW
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Kristen Stewart and Alessia Cara. 10:30 p.m., NBC
Harry Potter marathon: Just in case you want to escape whatever shitshow has erupted by the end of this week and pretend that good can triumph over evil. Begins 5 a.m., Freeform
High School Lover: Y’all, it’s another James Franco Lifetime movie. 7 p.m., Lifetime
SUNDAY
Super Bowl: Sportsball is happening. And about two miles away from my house, no less. 5:30 p.m., Fox
24: Legacy: Everything you loved about 24, but without all the Jack Bauer. Following the Super Bowl, Fox
Puppy Bowl: Puppyball is happening. And about 3 miles away from my house, no less. 2 p.m., Animal Planet
Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Gordon Ramsay, Alessia Cara, experts from “Ask This Old House” The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Priyanka Chopra, Thomas Sadoski
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Last Man Standing (new) |
Dr. Ken (new) |
Shark Tank (new) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | MacGyver (new) |
Hawaii Five-0 (new) |
Blue Bloods (new) |
| CW | The Vampire Diaries (new) |
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Rosewood (new) |
Sleepy Hollow (new) |
Local |
| NBC | Grimm (new) |
Emerald City (new) |
Dateline NBC (new) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | NBA: Cavaliers at Knicks (new) |
News/Local |
| CBS | Ransom (new) |
NCIS (repeat) |
48 Hours (new) |
News/Local |
| FOX | NFL Honors (new) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Dateline NBC (new) |
Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/Local | Saturday Night Live (Kristen Stewart & Alessia Cara) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
Shark Tank (repeat) |
Shark Tank (repeat) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (repeat) |
NCIS (repeat) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
| FOX | Super Bowl (live) |
24: Legacy (new) |
| NBC | Safe Haven | Ride Along |
Nah, they wont drop anything Friday evening. Sunday evening will be much better. 2/3 of the population will be distracted by a game and all the commercials for days. Perfect timing.
Wait. Where is Puppy Bowl happening?
It’s at the Super Bowl Live event at Discovery Green. I don’t know if it’s THE Puppy Bowl that will be aired on Sunday, but there are official Puppy Bowl things taking place down there. You should go!
-T
FYI, Emma Caulfield is in TiMER, a romantic comedy film that is sweet & charming (despite an absurd sci-fi premise), which has been available for streaming on Netflix for several years.