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That’s Ms. Nastia, if you’re nasty. |
So hopefully, you’ve already been reading our snarky look at the Olympic games. Bobby Hankinson and Therese Odell have turned their sharp, reality-TV-addicted criticisms to the Beijing spectacle. But now, an Olympic first, they come together to share with you their gut reactions to the games!
After the jump, check out some of what they had to say while watching. Just be warned, they’ve got very little knowledge about sports and lots of (possibly inappropriate) ill-informed opinions. Also, they’re vehemently against the Chinese women’s gymnastics team winning any medals.
Men’s Volleyball: U.S. vs. Bulgaria
Bobby Hankinson: is it appropriate to throw around the term “kill” during this match considering what happened to the coach?
Therese Odell: RIGHT? I was just about to ask if this was the team
Therese Odell: I had thought nothing could be more boring than beach volleyball. I was wrong.
Bobby Hankinson: DID THEY JUST SAY ‘SHANK PASS’?!!!
Therese Odell: SHANK SHANK SHANK Maybe they read Tubular
Bobby Hankinson: this is terribly, terribly in appropriate considering the COACH WAS ATTACKED BY A KNIFE-WIELDING CRAZY
Bobby Hankinson: “Well, Bob, Bulgaria is playing a particularly stabby game this evening.”
Therese Odell: What an amazing foreign tourist attack block! The Bulgarians are so passionate, it’s like they want to kill the American team’s family. With a knife. That was the announcer… not me.
Bobby Hankinson: of course.
Therese Odell: Nice kill out of the back row. FOR REAL?
Bobby Hankinson: SEE?!
Therese Odell: So much murdery language! KILLED THAT TIME SRSLY
Bobby Hankinson: I like the player named “ball.” I wonder if his first name is “volley”
Bobby Hankinson: So much tush patting!
Bobby Hankinson: DId you see that double-tush pat? the US team gets the gold in tush-patting
Therese Odell: When does this stop? Ever? SO DONE WITH THE VOLLEYBALL
Bobby Hankinson: I AGREE.
Therese Odell: True story: I kinda hate Mary Lou Retton. But that might put me on the Terrorist List, so don’t tell anyone
Beach volleyball: U.S. vs. Belgium
Bobby Hankinson: yay! it’s over! oh crud, but beach volleyball is next
Therese Odell: What? You don’t enjoy watching barely dressed women cavorting in the sand? So unlike you!
Bobby Hankinson: Right? Unless it’s an America’s Next Top Model shoot on the beach, not. interested.
Therese Odell:Bob’s gotta cut it out with the hair dye.
Bobby Hankinson: ZOMG. no more volleyball. please.
Bobby Hankinson: i want to know more about this kinesiology tape
Therese Odell: right?
Bobby Hankinson: http://www.kinesiotape.ca/whatitdoes.htm
Therese Odell: sounds like quackery to me.
Therese Odell: Are there beaches in Belgium? (Therese shows her considerable lack of geography.)
Bobby Hankinson: hmmm. yes there is
Therese Odell: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Location_Belgium_EU_Europe.png
Therese Odell: but not many
Bobby Hankinson: http://www.worldatlas.com/webimage/countrys/europe/be.htm
Bobby Hankinson: it’s sort of on the north sea
Therese Odell: The Belgians? Don’t fill out their suits as nicely as our girls
Bobby Hankinson: Yeah. We have the volleyball hotties
Bobby Hankinson: Who is doing this soundtrack?
Therese Odell: RIGHT?
Bobby Hankinson: It’s like Xtina, Gwen Stefani … Ryan Adams. who is in charge here?
Therese Odell: Bon Jovi? Really?
Bobby Hankinson: RIGHT? what is the plan? what is the direction?
Therese Odell: BRUCE?
Bobby Hankinson: see? there’s less kills and shanking here
Therese Odell: RIGHT?
Bobby Hankinson: i swear, they did it on purpose with the menz
Therese Odell: YAY The Belgians? Don’t even seem to be trying any more. Sad Belgians. ☹
Bobby Hankinson: they weren’t even supposed to be in. they were the “lucky losers” which i think is like the wildcard
Bobby Hankinson: CYNDI LAUPER?! SERIOUSLY. SAMANTHA RONSON. COOL IT.
Men’s 50m freestyle
Bobby Hankinson: Time for the 50m freestyle
Therese Odell: !!
Bobby Hankinson: or, as they call it, the “splash and dash” … which i always thought meant something else entirely
Therese Odell: What they called my wedding night. ZING!
Men’s 200m backstroke
Bobby Hankinson: Here comes the 200m Backstroke and hottie hottie hot hot Lochte
Therese Odell: YESS
Bobby Hankinson: Peirsol is the least hot swimmer up there.
Therese Odell: Well, I gotta say I prefer him to Phelps (GASP!)
Bobby Hankinson: Phelps has such a hawt body. it’s the butterface.
Therese Odell: WORD
Bobby Hankinson: GO LOCHTE!
Therese Odell: LOCHTE!!!
Bobby Hankinson: HE GETS THE GOLD and that hottie VYATCHANIN gets bronze. Peirsol gets silver. that all seems fair.
Therese Odell: Hottest gold medal ceremony ever? Maybe.
Women’s 200m backstroke
Therese Odell: the Zimbabwe swimmer. I was wondering about her accent
Therese Odell: CRYING. I AM CRYING NOW
Bobby Hankinson: she’s swimming not only for herself, but for Zimbabwe
Therese Odell: CYNIC.
Bobby Hankinson: ZIMBABWE WINS!
Therese Odell: YAY!
Men’s 200m IM
Therese Odell: FANCY GRAPHICS
Bobby Hankinson: WHOA MICHAEL PHELPS’ CROTCH
Bobby Hankinson: legs of a man who’s 6’0″, a torso for a guy that’s 6’8″? that’s crazy
Therese Odell: and hot
Bobby Hankinson: YES
Therese Odell: as long as he doesn’t smile
Bobby Hankinson: EXACTLY
Therese Odell: Is the Canadian named Beavers as some sort of joke?
Therese Odell: LOOK HOW FAR AHEAD HE IS
Bobby Hankinson: GO PHELPS!
Therese Odell: GO PHELPS!!!!
Bobby Hankinson: OMG HE’S KILLING THEM
Therese Odell: YAYAYAYAYAYAY
Bobby Hankinson: YAYAYAYA and lochte got the bronze. good for him, too
Bobby Hankinson: I WANT THAT JOB. massaging michael phelps
Women’s individual all-around
Therese Odell: You know what? Michael Phelps CAN’T do women’s gymnastics!
Therese Odell: WHAT
Therese Odell: A
Therese Odell: GOOD
Therese Odell: POINT!
Therese Odell: way to tie Phelps into gymnastics!
Bobby Hankinson: Also? how come ShawnJohn and Ms. Nastia (If You’re Nasty) are favored in this, but not in the team competition? Are people that hard on Alicia Sacramone?
Therese Odell: Yes.
Therese Odell: Yes they are.
Bobby Hankinson: EASY ON THE GLITTER LITTLE CHINESE GIRL
Therese Odell: 12-year-olds should have a glitter limit
Bobby Hankinson: THEY ARE SO HARD ON THE AMERICANS
Therese Odell: HATE
Bobby Hankinson: nastia was robbed
Bobby Hankinson: CHINESE GIRL FELL! HAH!
Bobby Hankinson: thats terrible, i know
Bobby Hankinson: she’s only like 9 years old
Bobby Hankinson: AWESOME DISMOUNT SHAWNJOHN
Therese Odell: W00T
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT
Therese Odell: LIES
Bobby Hankinson: 15.275 for ShawnJohn’s bars!
Bobby Hankinson: UNBELIEVABLE
Bobby Hankinson: OUTRAGE
Therese Odell: OUT.
Therese Odell: RAGE.
Bobby Hankinson: um, everything looks light on the chinese routines, they all look like “little kids playing on the playground” BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST LITTLE KIDS
Therese Odell: THEY’RE 8
Bobby Hankinson: I’M SO FURIOUS RIGHT NOW
Therese Odell: Nastia? With the MansonLamps?
Therese Odell: LORD
Therese Odell: INTENSE
Therese Odell: NOT
Therese Odell: KIDDING
Therese Odell: Stupid 6-year-old Chinese
Bobby Hankinson: that was riddled with balance checks
Bobby Hankinson: RIDDLED.
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT
Bobby Hankinson: that chinese routine got a what now?
Bobby Hankinson: what was that score?
Bobby Hankinson: i want to make sure i’m not crazy
Bobby Hankinson: what numbers did you see?
Bobby Hankinson: did you faint
Bobby Hankinson: out of surprise and disgust?
Therese Odell: rewinding
Therese Odell: hang on
Therese Odell: 15.425??
Therese Odell: WHAT?
Bobby Hankinson: exactly
Therese Odell: POOR SHAWNJOHN
Bobby Hankinson: YANG IS NOT ALL THAT
Bobby Hankinson: 15.75???? FOR ALL THOSE BALANCE CHECKS?
Bobby Hankinson: STUCK IT
Bobby Hankinson: MS. NASTIA STUCK IT
Bobby Hankinson: GET OFF THE PHONE JUDGE LADY
Bobby Hankinson: GET OFF THE PHONE
Bobby Hankinson: OFF. NOW.
Therese Odell: YOU KNOW THAT WAS GOOD
Therese Odell: NASTIA ALL THE WAY
Bobby Hankinson: Bela just said “SHE CAN DO IT!” re: ShawnJohn. Is that good luck?
Therese Odell: You just know they’ll figure out a way to give it to China in the end…
Bobby Hankinson: boooooo I HATE JANG’S FLOOR ROUTINE
Therese Odell: HAAATE
Therese Odell: I hate those fakey little poses amd smiles
Bobby Hankinson: this woman commentating is FED UP with the super-high chinese scores. AMEN SISTER.
Bobby Hankinson: thats right, Jiang, 14 points
Bobby Hankinson: that’s right. you take it. take those 14 points.
Bobby Hankinson: WHAT YOU GONNA SMILE ABOUT NOW?!
Therese Odell: TAKE IT ALL.
Bobby Hankinson: Dang, Yang was pretty good. 15.0
Therese Odell: COME ON NASTIA
Bobby Hankinson: GO NASTIA!
Bobby Hankinson: not loving how nastia’s dad tells her the only color he accepts is gold. enough out of you Papa Archuleta
Bobby Hankinson: Nastia’s 15.525 seems a little low
Therese Odell: HATE THIS NEW SYSTEM
Bobby Hankinson: me too
Therese Odell: GO ON SHAWNJOHN
Bobby Hankinson: WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!
Therese Odell: SO AMAZING
Bobby Hankinson: crying
Therese Odell: PLANO REPRESENT
Bobby Hankinson: yay! Nastia! congrats ShawnJohn!
Therese Odell: YAY BELA! AWESOME! MORE WATCHING BELA! I want to watch Bela watch all the events!
Bobby Hankinson: right?
Bobby Hankinson: what do these people do when their career peaks at 16?
Therese Odell: Drink and cry
Bobby Hankinson: no, that’s what WE do